


Tripping on Eggshells

by dreamBot



Series: 21 Peaceful Days [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Clueless One-Sided Attraction, Drinking & Talking, Flirting, Fluff, Oneshot, Other, Soulmate AU, but with other characters, now with illustration bc im self-shipping trash, obligatory sans/reader moment @ grillbys, reader's a bit of a lightweight cuz thEYRE LAME, thESE IDJITS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 00:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8079487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamBot/pseuds/dreamBot
Summary: "this dork is about to treat you to the best burger you've ever tasted in your life, so be grateful," he swung on his stool towards the fire elemental behind the bar, "grillbz, my pal, mind cookin up two of the usual?"In which Reader and Sans go for drinks and one of them gets drunk. (Spoilers: it's not the skeleton.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> was super excited to post this yall~ this time everything's in Sans' POV, just a heads up. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> also i wonder if any of you can make the connection between Reader and 'Alex'... incredibly obscure but i'd be happy to hear theories. //winkywink 

It was a beautiful night outside.

Crickets were chirping, the stars were shining. On nights like these... "i'd just like to ask, have you ever heard of grillby's?"

The human raised a brow, their head cocked to the side. "Grillby's?"

That was all the answer Sans needed. "oh man, i need to take you there. best burgs in town, i promise," he assured, wiggling his phalanges as he offered his hand.

They threw a scrutinizing glare, eyes squinted. The gaze they had on his outstretched hand was full of suspicion before they glanced up to point an accusing finger towards his face. “You’re not gonna do that blipping thing, are you? Because I fucking swear…” they trailed off, waving their finger as a clear warning.

Sans pulled an offended look, laying his other hand flatly between his ribs, “whaaat? don’t you trust me?”

They snorted, playfully swatting his hand away before rising to their feet on their own, brushing their palms on their thighs. Sans stepped back as they stretched out obnoxiously, arms over their head and a pleased sigh on their lips, “Trust got nothing to do with it.”

He chuckled, pocketing his hands in their rightful place by his sides. “fair enough.”

His companion hummed, a mellow look on their features as they tilted their head up and breathed in deeply. “The sky’s really nice though,” they turned to him, a grin on their face, “is it alright if we walk there?”

Sans admired the way their eyes silently pleaded for him to agree, holding back his urge to laugh. If they’d really wanted to, they didn’t really need to ask. A compliant shrug was made in reply before the skeleton turned and walked off down the street, whistling as he went. It was quiet behind him before a startled yelp rang out, followed by jogging footsteps catching up to him.

They stumbled into a matching pace beside Sans, rubbing their palms against the chilly air; he caught their happy smile out of the corner of his socket, hidden behind their palms as they breathed warm air onto their fingers. Grin softening, he chided himself for never registering how adorable his newfound friend was after all this time. They reminded him of his cinnamon roll of a brother, but with cursing and a shared love of puns. Needless to say he found himself getting attached.

He jumped as they swiveled and made eye contact with him, their smile broadening before they shoved him a bit, “Hey, before I forget… I just wanna say thanks.”

His brows furrowed, “for what?”

They shrugged, gaze drifting upwards. “I dunno, for a good time, I guess? Like, I didn’t think my day was going in this direction at all when I woke up this morning,” they twirled their hand in mid-air, gesturing for something as their face contorted in order to look for the proper words, “it’s just… bumping into you at that aisle, meeting your brother and your friends and just hanging out… it was nice, being around people. All because of you.” They dropped their gaze to look at him, lips pulled back in an affectionate smirk, “So thanks for that.”

The skeleton hadn’t realized his magic had risen to his cheekbones as he stared at them, with that sincere glint in their eyes so full of… something. Friendship? Whatever it was, it was making his soul stutter. “um, no problem.” Their eyes crinkled as they grinned again, and he could feel himself getting warmer under his hoodie.

The walk took a total of thirty minutes; Sans exchanged a few stories with them along the way amid the short intervals of comfortable silence they had between them. He found out they had a thing for fancy fizzy beverages, owned a few pets during their childhood, and embarrassingly liked to belt out Broadway musicals as they cleaned around the house, getting caught by a roommate twice. They romanticized hot chocolates topped with whipped cream during the winter seasons and absolutely made it a rule to pet any dog or cat that just happened to unfortunately enter within a ten feet radius from them. They also had a secret dream of being a tree farmer(??) up until high school and fiercely insisted that trees were great the moment Sans started to tease them about it.

While happy to share stories about themself, they were incredibly eager to know more about him and his friends, asking questions and listening intently as to how they all met. Before he knew it they’d already reached the front door of Grillby’s establishment, the restaurant’s neon sign flickering above their heads just as he finished the riveting tale of Papyrus' date with Frisk after their ridiculous flirting during their battle.

“Oh my god, his first date was with a  _ten-year-old_? That he had tried to  _capture_ even?” they laughed in disbelief as Sans swung the door open, gesturing for them to step inside before shrugging, his grin matching theirs.

“it was a  _very_ memorable first date. though papy had to turn them down afterwards; he just wasn’t ready for a relationship just yet, even if he _did_ manage to  _catch_ the kid's attention," he added, letting the door swing closed as he followed behind them. Their nose scrunched as they glanced back, letting out a sympathetic laugh. It was somewhat sincere, but still...

"That was kinda weak."

"i admit i'm a bit off my game," he shrugged, gauging their reaction as their chuckles subsided and started to look around.

The familiar smell of smoky campfires emanated through the air, the lights fixed ahead providing a warm orange glow over everything and giving off an enclosed 'safe space' vibe. The owner had renovated everything to look eerily similar to his bar back Underground, if not a bit bigger to accommodate a few more booths, and after four years of business the worn down wood had started to give Sans a better sense of nostalgia.

The monsters who were regulars of old Grillby’s certainly appreciated it during the first few months monsters came to the Surface, occasionally coming back a few times when they felt homesick, though he'd never really understand why anyone would miss the Underground. It was a bit darker in contrast to the last; given the stylized oil lamps the place was decked with along the walls. Sans had voiced his opinion about it to Grillby though the flaming bartender quietly argued that it was romantic before proceeding to place a ketchup bottle in front of him as a silent bribe to never mention it again.

Turning back to his companion, he felt himself puff proudly as their mouth slowly formed that smile he’d grown to adore, their eyes darting about to drink in the atmosphere. They turned to him, absolutely glowing and full of mirth, " _Dude!?_ This place is so nice, what the heck."

"keep your excitement to yourself, it's about to get  _burger_ ," he winked and grabbed their hand, smoothly wiggling his brows, "your hand looks heavy, lemme carry it for you."

"Pff, oh god," their shoulders shook in that way Sans took delight in as they hid their grin under their palm, "unbelievable."

Nevertheless they let him drag them over to the bar across the room, even tightening their hold a bit as they kept pace with his short strides. A few other patrons called out to him as he passed by the booths, monsters and a few humans greeting him with friendly banter and a few quips as he shot back a joke or two.

He reached the bar and sat down on his usual stool, patting the one beside him invitingly, "take a seat, pal." Pausing as he looked over the human's demeanor, he noticed they looked slightly overwhelmed, eyes wide and in awe as they rubbed their arm. "what's the matter?"

They tipped their brows and let out a breathy laugh, shaking their head before taking a seat. "Nothing, it's just... you're pretty popular, huh?"

He made an understanding 'ohhh' sound before shrugging, "you come here often enough and people start to notice you. nbd."

They snorted. "Did you really just say 'nbd' 'irl'? What a dork."

"hey, 'jsyk' this  _dork_  is about to treat you to the best burger you've ever tasted in your life, so be grateful," he swung on his stool towards the fire elemental behind the bar, propping his chin up with both hands and batting his eyesockets, making a ceramic 'clink-clink-clink' noise, "grillbz, my pal, mind cookin up two of the usual?"

The bartender gave a nod and disappeared into the back, but not before tilting his head in greeting towards the other customer as he passed. Said customer's cheeks grew warm in response, an instance that did not escape the skeleton's attention. Just as the door to the kitchen clicked shut he began his assault. "i see you've got the  _hots_  for the fire man, heh heh heh."

They huffed but didn't deny his accusation, instead opting to pick up the menu and awkwardly batting it against his face. "It's too goddamn early for a  _roasting_  from you right now, so just  _chill_."

"and miss this opportunity to  _bring on the heat_? you'd have to be mad."

They quirked their brow and leaned in close, their eyes taking on a mysterious glint, "If you think I'm not up for the challenge, buddy, you've got a storm coming," they were close enough to lower their voice, that familiar confident smirk when they first met on their lips, "and it's coming in  _blazing, hot."_

Sans felt his breath get stuck in his throat at the close proximity, a sudden buzzing sensation thrumming in his bones. He recovered quickly and managed to think of a comeback before being interrupted by a chipper yell coming up behind them. "S-Sansy!! Wh-where have you been~?"

The skeleton only had time to raise his arms in surprise before a drunken bunny monster draped herself over his small frame between him and his companion, petting his skull with a dopey look on her flushed face, "I've been waiting for so long~"

"hey, cinny," Sans held her up as she wobbled, his grin twitching. "don't get all _floppy-_ eared on me now."

The bunny laughed so loudly it sounded close to a roar as if it was the funniest thing she's ever heard, smacking her knee. She leaned even more against the skeleton. "Oh, Sansy, you're always so funny... it's why you're m-hic-my favourite~!"

"Uh," the human spoke up hesitantly over the bunny's back, craning their neck and tapping her shoulder. The skeleton felt a bit disappointed at the fact that they were crawling back into their shell again, and after so much coaxing too. "M-miss? You're um... y-you're kinda sitting in my lap right now."

"Oh!" The bunny perked up at the new voice, ears straightening. She glanced behind before sheepishly standing up, a hand fisting the front of Sans' shirt as she tried not to stumble. "Sorry. Who's this, Sansy?"

The skeleton rubbed the back of his head while his other hand gestured towards his friend. "a new pal of mine. thought i'd treat them tonight, since they just got ditched by their date," he sent them a mischievous wink as their face reddened.

"I-it wasn't even--"

"Aw, that's too b-bad, hic!" the bunny cut in, flapping a palm against their cheek carelessly as if tutting a child. "I c-can't imagine anyone wanting to leave y-hic-you behind, you're pretty cute~!"

The crimson in their cheeks deepened, stuttering as they flailed their arms awkwardly, "I-I mean, that's-- th-thank you???"

"You're welcome!" she snickered and smacked their shoulder before turning to wiggle her brows at Sans. Giggling, she dragged a finger down the skeleton's nasal bone, his sockets lidding flirtatiously in response. "I'll leave you two for now... but we need to catch up later, okay?" she turned to wink at the human and fluffed her tail, pushing off against Sans aside to sway her way back to her booth and slipping into her seat.

The skeleton grinned after her before turning back to his companion, sobering as they sent him a sleazy look, brows mimicking the bunny's from before. "Wow, Sansy, she's totally into you. Who knew you were such a heart throb around these parts?"

Well, that turned him into instant cerulean. Sweat was already collecting at the top of his skull, "wh-what, no? she flirts with everyone, sh-she didn't mean anything by it, i swear!" They burst out laughing, smacking their palm against the counter.

"Geez, I was just  _ribbing_  ya," they instantly straightened as the door swung open; Grillby reappeared with two plates in his hands, the fries still fresh and steaming. They seemed to hold their breath as he set the food down.

"Enjoy your meal," he nodded politely, the haunting sound of crackling embers laced within his calm voice.

They seemed awestruck momentarily before blinking rapidly, pulling their plate closer without looking at it with their mouth hanging open. The monster's fire popped a bit in amusement before he walked off, grabbing a glass by the bar and starting to wipe it with a rag. The squeak of the glass against the cloth distracted them for a moment before the human jerked as Sans leaned to whisper near their ear, "speakin of crushes..."

They squealed and shoved him back with their shoulder, swiveling and holding a hand against their ear as crimson dusted across their cheeks. "Oh my god, don't do that! It does weird things to me, you  _boner_ ," they blanched before slapping a palm against their mouth, ducking their head to the side.

Sans was just reveling in victory, grin on the highest tier of shit-eating when he snatched a fry from their plate. "wow, i'm definitely keeping that information for future use." His socket clinked as he winked before tossing the fry into his gaping mouth, the human's jaw creaking open after witnessing his parted canines. They shook their head and glared afterwards, smacking his hand away when he reached for another.

" _What_  future use?" They turned up their nose huffily, picking up their burger with both hands, cheeks ablaze. "So maybe I get a bit...  _hot under the collar_  when people whisper in my ear, who doesn't honestly!?" they snapped, taking a vicious bite and chewing in exaggeration. Sans only hummed. 

"oh i'll figure something out. d'you know that, while being a master of wordplay, i'm a master of practical jokes as well?" He didn't get a response as his companion went silent, cheeks bulging with burger. "um, buddy?"

He flinched as they snapped their head towards him, chewing slowly before swallowing with a noisy gulp. "I... I think I'm in love."

Funnily enough his soul jumped at that phrase. Why did he feel so nervous and tingly all of a sudden? He was surprised at his stutter as he tried to respond. "O-oh?"

They nodded fervently, shoving their bitten burger into his face. " _WITH THIS THING???_ It's so delicious it's a freaking crime, oh my god!" They took a smaller bite and savored it, eyes screwing shut in bliss. "It might be because," they spoke between chews, "I'm so darn hungry? And 'tbh' haven't really properly eaten anything today, so that'd be a contributing factor but," they swallowed, grinning down at him, "this is the best burger I've ever tasted, man. Just like you promised."

Sans nodded dumbly, darting his gaze away as they licked their lips, "no prob, bob. glad ya like." He picked at his food as his friend enjoyed theirs with fervor, passing praises towards Grillby as they finished within a few minutes. They balled the napkin they had used and stuffed it into their pocket, checking their phone afterwards. Their eyes widened as they glanced at the time, patting their stomach and swiveling their stool around.

"It's getting pretty late, isn't it? I should get going," they planted their feet on the floor and shoved their hands into their jacket pockets, smiling at the skeleton. "Thanks for dinner. I need to pay you back at some point. Maybe sometime next week?"

For some reason Sans hesitated to reply. The problem was: he didn't want them to go just yet. He didn't know why he felt clingy all of a sudden, but something within him just told him  _no, not yet_. Before he could even pin down the reason why he felt that way the human was already heading towards the exit after a wave goodbye. He flew off his chair and grabbed the back of their jacket, tugging back forcefully. "w-wait!"

They stumbled back with a yelp, hands jerking out of their pockets as they tried to regain their balance. Turning around, the skeleton had to shrink a bit as they sent him a glare. "What the hell, why'd you do that!?"

...Why  _did_  he do that? The other patrons were half-listening as he straightened and tried to think of a lame excuse, "it's just-- i... simply paying for dinner couldn't possibly make up for the day i made you waste away for my brother, r-right? how about a few drinks? on me, of course."

Their brows stopped narrowing in anger, though they were still creased with dubious worry as they lifted a placating hand, "Dude, it's fine, I told you I had fun. And it was all for your bro, whom I like, which is a bonus." They offered an insipid smile with a half-shrug, "Forgedaboutit, alright?"

"w-well, what about just one drink? _please?"_ his voice cracked weakly at the last syllable; they probably detected the hint of desperation in his tone, if the frown on their face was any indication. They bit their lip in that way that drove him mad before sucking in air through their teeth, exhaling a sigh.

"But... I have something waiting for me at home... a-and not to mention I've got a shift tomorrow," they avoided looking at him, eyes downcast. Sans winced; he could feel his soul getting jittery for some reason and he didn't understand why. Despite his inner turmoil, he kept his cool facade and blew air past his teeth in a condescending sigh, punching their shoulder. Luckily he knew just which buttons to press.

"c'mon. just one. or do you not have the _guts_ to  _beer_  it?"

They visibly stiffened, that glimmer of mischief passing their features for a fleeting second. They blinked and relaxed their posture, eyes lidding as they bent to look at him face-to-face, "Y'know what? Maybe I'll give it a  _shot_."

His soul jumped in glee; the buttons have been pressed.

Sans held back his sigh of relief as they brushed past the skeleton, walking back towards the bar and sitting solidly on their stool. An obnoxious farting noise immediately oozed out from underneath them, one long impressive sound of flatulence followed by rapid fading spurts. Their nails scraped the counter as their fingers tightened into fists, another wave of blood rushing to their cheeks. The other patrons gave encouraging hoots as the victim threw a dirty look over their shoulder, "You piece of _shit._ "

He winked before settling himself back onto his spot, "you love me." He turned to Grillby and held up two fingers, "pink quakers, take your time." The bartender's flames flicked upwards, almost in apprehension, before he nodded, stepping to the side to make the drinks. The human looked on in confusion, picking at a stray thread on their sleeve.

"Pink Quakers?"

Sans propped his head up by one elbow to gaze up at them, looking pleased as punch, "burgs and fries ain’t the only thing that’re considered signatures of grillby’s. it’s an old classic. figured we'd finish off tonight with a bang."

They looked worried for a moment before shaking their head, mirroring Sans' movement as they held their head up by an elbow on the counter until the two were practically staring each other down. "Sounds good to me."

"good."

"Great."

"super."

"Flipping fantastic."

A minute passed and it seemed like Grillby was nowhere finished with the orders. The human sucked in air before blowing a raspberry, face the epitome of boredom. "Y'know," they chimed, "you don't really have to compensate for anything. The burger was awesome, but honestly I feel bad if you're doing all this just because you think you owe me something."

That wasn't the only reason he was doing this, but he kept that to himself. Instead Sans chuckled, "heh, even when it was obvious that i was forcing you to hang out with my bro?"

They clicked their tongue, their smirk twitching. "Ah, so you were well aware you were non-conning me into hanging out with Papyrus then?"

"was it not obvious i had _skeletons in my closet?"_  his grin widened, _"_ i thought you'd _seen right through me_ , but then again you're no _sherlock bones_ , eh?"

The human's mouth parted in surprise before they narrowed their eyes, rubbing their palms together and smiling slyly, "Bone puns now? Is that the theme of this round?"

He winked, "if you're up for it."

" _Oho_ , let me tell you a thing..." they trailed off as their eyes darted to the side before widening, mouth dropping open in shock. Sans turned in his seat to see the source, smirking as he spotted the owner walking over with their drinks in his hands.

Solid thuds sounded as two ginormous mugs, about the size of fruit bowls, were placed in front of them; the beverage inside was a swirling mixture of yellow and pink, a sweet-smelling foam at the lip. The bartender rummaged around under the counter before rising and sticking mini umbrellas into the mugs, two small consecutive pops sounding and in the next instant,the yellow-pink color had bloomed into an echanting sea-green with a streak of purple. He left after another nod, wishing them a pleasant time.

"welp, bottoms up," the skeleton grabbed ahold of one and pulled it towards himself, glancing upwards to see his friend still frozen in place, eyes vacant. He nudged it towards them before snapping his fingers, a dainty little loop-de-loop straw appearing right into their drink. "heh, since you're so intimidated..."

They shook their head and gestured wildly in front of them. "Sans, what the hell!? I told you I was in a hurry, why didn't you order a smaller normal drink, you weirdo!?"

"sorry. couldn't resist," he sipped a bit of foam through his teeth, willing his voice to remain complacent and guilt-free, "just had to see your reaction."

Sans stiffened as they rolled their eyes and leaned forward, gently brushing their thumb over his teeth and wiping it on their pants afterwards. He pretended it wasn't an intimate gesture and didn't just make his bones rattle uncomfortably, inhaling a shaky breath to calm down. Thankfully they didn't notice.

"Since you already ordered, I guess I have to finish it," they finally yielded with a pout, directing the straw to their lips and taking a big gulp. They made a noise of surprise and pulled back, holding a palm over their mouth and whipping around to look at Sans. The skeleton had a knowing look on his features.

"good, innit?"

They nodded excitedly, "It's like, berries and whipped cream and some chocolate? But there's an aftertaste of mango? Whoa...?"

"heh, enjoy it. take your time." And he really meant it. The human nodded and drank heartily, forgetting their earlier worries. Conversation resumed easily for them, swapping more stories and knock knock jokes. Thoughts of his soul stone nibbled at the back of Sans' mind; how his soulmate would be tapping it at any second now, but he figured he could let it go just this once. Just for tonight. The jittery feeling in his soul had calmed down; he had to admit he was mildly disturbed as to why he was acting so... troubled before, but for the time being, he decided it was just the need to enjoy the human's company a little more.

Nothing weird about that.

At all.

Another hour passed, the human a bumbling and flushed mess way before they were half finished with their Quaker. He probably should've asked whether they drank alcohol or not, but it was already way too fucking late for that. Grillby’s drinks always tasted fruity and sweet, but alcohol was still alcohol. Speaking of, his friend was drunk miles off their ass.

"Oh man~ Have you ever thought of how _dumb_ the concept of _cornbread_ is?" they slurred, chewing the tip of their straw in a daze.

"explain."

"It's bread. But with corn! Cornbed!!" they flung their arms up and did jazz hands, laughing, "I am so! Sleepy!"

Sans glanced over at the clock on the wall; it was nearly closing time. He hadn't meant to get his friend so incoherent, but they were in absolutely no condition to get home like this. Another wave of guilt was brought down on his conscious as he looked over their face, dazed and distracted and dopey as they swayed in their seat. He scratched the back of his head.

"hey, we should probably get go--!!" he yelped as they slumped forward and stuck a hand up his shirt, scrabbling to grab his spine with a focused expression stamped on their face. Frantically shoving them back with his palms on their shoulders, his stature was no match for his taller counterpart, who was leaning in dangerously close to his face; he struggled to ignore the fact that their breath smelled like sugar as he tried to grab their wrists, cheekbones a deep shade of lazuli.

"How are you~ so chubby-looking when you a skeletor? Skeleton. My marshmellow-looking pal," they frowned and tickled his ribs, eliciting embarassed sniggers from him as he clamped a hand over his teeth to avoid them from leaking out. "Lookitdis! Bones aren't supposed to be so thicky and soft. You a weirdo, Sansy."

"s-stop!" He teleported himself behind them to escape their grasp, catching them by the back of their jacket before they landed face first on the floor. "geez, we need to get you home asap. can you tell me your address?" The human teetered and slumped to the side, whining a bit as the counter bit into their ribs, but they made no move to fix their position. Under their breath they were murmuring.

"I can, I can tell you a secret. Heheheh, or should I say," they straightened and pointed a finger upwards, " _omelette-_ in you in on a secret! Because! Eggs!" They proceeded to cackle as Sans pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling in frustration.

"kiddo. address. please."

"Turnip Souls St. 278 dot tumblr dot com."

"oh my god." They made no move to stop him as he fumbled around their pockets for their phone, switching it on and grumbling as the screen requested a password. "hey, what's your password?" he faced the phone towards them, getting miffed as they simply dragged their fingers across the screen, making beeping noises and giving a mess of a jumbled combination. They grinned and gave a wobbly thumbs up.

"There you go, amigo."

"thanks." He rolled his eyes and transferred a bit of magic into their phone, unlocking it and quickly scrolling through it to see if there was anything that could help. Nothing, and the batteries were close to dying; his last resort was to call up one of the contacts in the hopes that someone close enough could give him what he was looking for. He nudged their shoulder a bit, waving their phone in front of their face, "hey, is there anyone i can call here? for help?"

They sucked in a breath noisily and whispered in a dramatic tone, "Ghostbustas~"

After a quick smack of the palm to the face, he gave in to fate and tapped a contact at random, holding it to his ear and waiting anxiously for an answer. He swiveled around for some privacy, his back to his drawling companion, though in their state he highly doubted they were listening. A few seconds passed before a yippy "Hello?" rang through the speakers.

"heya. um, so this is awkward but--"

"Eggsy?"

His sockets widened, pulling back to look at the name. 'Alex my sweet darling dewdrop' was written deliberately across the screen. Okay, that didn't give much but at least he knew their name? How had he not noticed the ridiculous moniker though?? He placed the phone back on his ear, "k-kid?"

He had to pull back slightly as they let out a triumphant whoop. "Ha! It is you! Man, how'd you get my number? .......wait," there was the sound of fumbling before they started yelling, "How'd you get a hold of this phone!? Did you steal it!? Wait, why would you call if--" they gasped, "Is my cousin okay!?"

"kid, you're all over the place, calm down," the skeleton rubbed his nasal bone with a sigh, "your cousin's fine. they're a bit drunk right now and--"

"Wait, you got them to drink?" they cut in, "But they hate alcohol? They can't even handle a shot of vodka, my dude."

His sockets went dark. "oh."

"... How much did they have?"

"uh, n-not important. the point is they're close to passing out and i need to get them home. can you give me an address?"

They hesitated before groaning, “I… okay, fine. I’m trusting you with this, alright? I’ll text it to you. Make sure they get home safe. But uh, just so you know, if you try anything funny…” there was a long pause, “I’ll hunt you down.”  _Click._

He stared down at the screen as it reverted back to the list of contacts; and he thought _he_ was intimidatingly rude. The phone gave a chirp as a message popped up; he quickly tapped it and managed to skim through it halfway before noticing a wetness seeping into the material of his left shoulder.

A slow turn of his head revealed his knocked out friend snoozing with drool dribbling out of the corner of their mouth, nuzzling deeper into his neck. He let out an undignified squeak and briskly stood, holding a hand on their stomach as they lolled forward in their seat.

"why did i think this was a good idea?" he grunted to himself, tugging at his sleeve with his teeth before using it to wipe away the saliva off his cheek. He thought twice before dabbing it haphazardly against the human's face, deep feelings of regret rising in his stomach as he sacrificed his favorite hoodie. "alright, buddy, time to getcha home."

Sans decided against teleporting to the location; he didn't wanna risk getting anywhere near an upset stomach on his friend's behalf, they already looked sick as is. A snap of his fingers and they were lifted into the air, floating with his magic. The fire monster across him gave him a stern look, at least, as stern as a face of flames can get, before holding his hand up rubbing his thumb against his pointer finger. The skeleton was already backing up with his load in tow, sweat running down the side of his skull. "put it on my tab?"

The fire above his head crackled aggressively before Grillby sighed and lifted a finger. "This is the last."

"yeah, yep, sure bud, no problem," Sans swung the door open, willed the human to glide outside before closing it and rushing down the street. He looked back at the phone in his hand to re-read the address, looking through it once in the nick of time before a warning popped up, signifying the phone's automatic shutdown within 30 seconds. "damn it!"

He shoved it into his pocket with a grunt, glancing this way and that. He recognized the street they lived in, and after a quick search on the Internet it was confirmed to be a 45 minute journey from where he was; walking there was going to be a pain.

Glancing upwards towards his floating companion, he had to ponder whether or not it was worth it; the human was hanging limply as they snored, chin to their chest and limbs swaying underneath them. His frown eased up as he looked at their serene expression, only to twist into a disgusted grimace as he realized they were drooling again, their saliva leaving wet dots on the cement. Shaking his head, he reached up to grab the human's hand hanging by his head, fairly convincing himself that it was strictly necessary instead of simply a primal urge for him to do so before setting off.

It must've been a strange sight, a skeleton walking around holding a floating human by their hand, like some sort of morbid fleshy balloon. He'd thought the coast was clear seeing it was late at night so people wouldn't exactly see him; but then he found himself slipping into alleyways and teleporting himself into the next street so he wouldn't have to explain his situation to late-night joggers and cops in their patrol cars. It was delaying his trip badly, and after getting chased over two streets by a stray dog, he decided enough was enough.

He had to do it, he had to take a shortcut.

Sighing for the umpteenth time, he stretched out his arms and made the human gravitate slowly into his grasp, allowing himself to get used to their weight before dissipating his magic entirely. Holding them close to his chest, he couldn't help noticing how warm they were through their clothes, his grip on their arm and under their knees tightening so he'd feel it in his phalanges. Was that creepy? He didn't think it was creepy.

...

It was probably kinda creepy.

He huffed and straightened, doing his best to keep them steady; the less he jostled the better the situation. His magic built up inside him as he prepared to jump over the remaining distance, his sockets popping open as he felt the human tug him closer as they wrapped their arms tightly around him. He pulled his head back and gulped as their eyes stared into his, their face flushed and mouth parted. "Sans..."

He inhaled shakily, stunned from how sweet they smelled up close, his grip on them faltering. His mind was thoroughly blaming the Quakers as he laughed nervously. "y-yeah, pal?"

They licked their lips before opening their mouth to say something. His breath caught in his throat as they snorted and bonked their forehead onto his, "Saaaans."

"uh... yes?" Surely they had something to say...???

They blinked slowly, squinting their eyes before screwing them shut, yawning with an unhinged jaw the likes of a fucking snake, "Saaaaaa~aaaaaans."

His sockets went black. Yeah, that moment ended before it even started. Shaking his head he readjusted his hold on them before blipping right onto their street, acknowledging briefly the way their eyes bulged in surprise before shoving him back. He released them as they clamped a hand over their mouth, landing on their back with a thud. Before he could even recover they had rolled over and vomited over the sidewalk, barfing up a load of colorful bile onto the street. They started to sob uncontrollably as Sans grimaced, the skeleton panicking and rushing over to rub their back.

"calm down, hey, it's okay," he cooed over their blubbering, wiping their mouth with his sleeve yet again. He dried the tears that managed to escape with his thumbs, holding up their cheeks so they'd look at him. "we're almost home. c'mon, can you stand up?"

They sniffed before nodding, gripping onto Sans as they tried to get on their feet. "M-my house is... is thattaway," they pointed a shaky finger and started to take a step forward. Sans flung up an arm and summoned a Blaster just as they tripped, the weapon obediently pushing the human back up on their feet with their snout on their chest. They gasped and grabbed the skull's teeth with loose fists, giggling excitedly before rubbing their nose against it.

"S-Sansy look there's a weird bone-dog here!" The human patted their palms against it like a drum before nuzzling into it affectionately. The skull gave an appreciative growl in return, sending its owner a smug look as the skeleton frowned.

"yeah yeah, i can see that. keep walking." Was that a hint of jealousy in his voice? He was probably getting snappy since it was already late, way past midnight even. He should be in bed by now. Yep. "can you see your house from here?"

"It's number 43, right up over here. C'mere, doggy-doo~!" they wrapped their arms around the Blaster as best as they could and started quickening their pace, their face lighting up, "I'm gonna adopt you and name you Milkyway." They gasped again, stopping right in front of their porch, "You can be Miki for short!!!"

"yeah, no." They let out a high-pitched whine of dismay and clawed at the air as Sans pulled the skull back into the void, the skeleton taking his turn holding them up as he grabbed their elbow and led them up the stairs to the porch. "alright. final _step_ , where're your house keys?"

"In me jack," they giggled and stuffed their hands into their pockets, flapping the sides of their jacket childishly, "I'm a jackdaw, caw c-caw."

"stop," Sans grumbled and tugged their hands out, searching around the pockets. His phalanges clinked against something metal and he pulled out a single key, sticking it into the doorknob and turning. He was so ready to be done with this.

The human stumbled inside as he swung the door open, heading straight into the darkness before yelling as they tripped over something. Sans flicked the lights on and dashed over to the source of the noise, worried they had injured themself before realizing they'd just fallen onto their mattress on the floor. Who sets their mattress right in the middle of their living room? It didn't even have a freaking cover.

The human wriggled around on the floor trying to shirk off their jacket, getting their elbow stuck in the sleeve and sitting up in a violent huff. They stopped for a moment before letting out a wail, flopping back down and simply laying there in a pathetic heap. The skeleton was at his limits, crouching down and helping them take it off before flinging it across the room. "there, sit tight for a sec. i'll be right back."

He took out their phone and searched around for a charger, plugging it in and leaving it on the floor as it was next to the mattress, making sure the alarms were on at an average volume; wouldn’t want them getting a headache early in the morning, but they had to wake up at some point. Afterwards he navigated to the kitchen, rifling through the cupboards for a glass or mug. He washed it briefly before filling it with some tap water and padding back to his friend who was staring up at the ceiling in a starfish position. Crouching as he nudged their shoulder, he helped them prop themselves up as he forced them to drink. "it'll help in the morning,” he rambled as they slowly sipped every drop, “at least, i hope so. heh, you might as well have a day off tomorrow, buddy.”

They hardly replied, blinking at him and sniffling as he wiped their chin of any excess water with his other non-soiled sleeve. He set the glass aside and gently lowered them onto their pillow, brushing their sweaty hair back until they started humming happily at the attention. They smiled up at him before rolling over, snuggling into their blankets, murmuring a half-decipherable “thank you” as their breathing grew steady after a while.

Sans stared at them before shaking his head, pressing a hand against his skull in relief. He stood up with a sigh, brushing off his palms, all the while glancing about their house. It wasn't an invasion of privacy, was it, if he’d used their key? Oh well. He quickly deduced they'd just recently moved in, if the stack of boxes by the corner was anything to go by. It explained their bed situation, though he still found it to be hilarious nevertheless.

They had a decent amount of furniture, basics like a table, chairs, hall closet, and the like, but if he were to be honest everything still seemed a bit too bare. The only thing that had a homey touch was probably the rainbow curtain of beads hung up on one wall, though he had a feeling that wasn’t permanent; they were probably planning to stick it by their bedroom door when they finally settled in properly.

His attention was brought to their fridge as he walked pass the kitchen, he could see the interior as he walked by the doorway. Remembering the groceries he had stashed away in his little fourth-dimensional space pocket, he made them reappear in his hands as he padded over, stuffing them inside sloppily, plastic bags and all. There, his work was done.

Swiveling on his heel he was about to let himself out the door when the human made a noise, shifting to splay out an arm at an odd angle towards an object beside their mattress. Initially he’d thought they were reaching for their phone, but then the familiar shape caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. It was shadowed in slight darkness, but as he squinted and focused his gaze on it he felt his breathing falter. He didn’t miss the fact that the human’s fingers were clinging to it protectively, pulling it close to their chest as a soft smile spread on their face.

It was an egg.

Not just any egg. It was another  _soul stone_. He switched his attention between the human's peacefully sleeping face to the egg tucked between their folded arms. Could it be? Could  _they_  possibly be...?

He had to make sure. He just had to. It wasn't stealing if he was borrowing… right? They were pals. Pals borrow other pals’ stuff. Right. They barely stirred as he lifted it out of their grasp, grumbling mildly before relaxing. He held the egg to his ribs; his soul glowing brightly as he held it up, stars in his eyes.

The next few blips happened in a daze, and before he knew it he was kneeling on the floor of his room in exhaustion, one hand gripping the egg in a steel death grip while the other scrabbled to hold him up. He crawled to his desk, breath coming out in short pants as he swiped his own egg and dropped back to the floor, scooting backwards until the base of his spine hit the wall.

This was it. The moment of truth. His hands were trembling as he sat with his legs folded, placing the eggs down side by side. There was a lump in his throat and it was making him uncomfortable.

Deep breaths.

Tip of his phalanges against the egg on his right, eyelights boring into the one on his left.

He hesitated, almost wanting to look away. What if it wasn’t…?

A shake of the head.

He had to try.

Another deep breath.

He closed his sockets, pushed.

Held his breath.

Cracked open an eye.

...

…

…

…

…

...

...

"fuck."

* * *

 

BONUS:


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